August 30, 2014
My personal experience involves my fiance and I having our first child, Ethan. I was thirty and she was twenty-four during the birth of our first child, Ethan. My life long dream had come true, a family. I had wanted to be the greatest father in the world since I was a young boy. I had spent many years in college thinking about the best ways to parent my child and manage a family, to make my dreams come true. I finally had my chance when we found out she and I were pregnant on New Years Eve 2012. We were so excited, and our lives had changed. I had suddenly grown up. I was a parent. I had became more alert and gaining more faith in God, as this had been the biggest time of my life.
Eventually, we bought our dream together and moved in at six months pregnant. Although, the mother had begun to express the tensions of mood swings and hormone imbalances, we had made it to delivery, eventually. We went through two days in the hospital giving birth together. This had been the most exciting and overwhelming event in our lives.
Our lives had changed. We had a new team member. I always wanted to satisfy my sons every need. All of those psychology studies on child development, Freudian stages and theories. I enjoyed theories such as "cleaning the diaper would mean being neat and clean as an adult" and "satisfying their needs fast gives them strength to ask for what they need as an adult, a resiliency" and giving him meditation classical music to raise IQ. I had always been ready to wake up three to five times in the night to feed this bundle of joy, as I had spent one year working night shift in a factory. I had known this would be easy, and that I had the skills to please him.
The mother had postpartum depression, which meant extra responsibility for me, however I wanted the best parenting possible. Her stress had been so overwhelming that I had to eventually quit my job. Although, we had called emergency services for her breakdowns, they would refuse to help and blame me. She had cut herself many times, on the arms, legs, stomach etc. She would also threaten to kill herself and me. While emergency services were at our house looking at her numerous cut wombs, emergency services would not help us. This went on for months, until Christmas. The mother had eventually received hospital treatment. And, it had been sad to spend Christmas without the mother. I thought to myself "why did they wait until the last minute?"
The real trouble had begun during the Christmas holiday. Because she and I were not married, according to the law, "the father has 0% rights." The mother, after recently giving birth, had postpartum depression, and would consistently express frustration over the way she was raised as a child. Emergency services had been called repeatedly, and no one would help, until the last minute. The mother eventually went to the hospital for one week during the Christmas holiday. And, upon release, into homelessness. The conditions had been for myself, the father, to release my son to the mother, who went into homelessness for 10 days, until she had contacted me on Facebook. She had wanted to visit, and we spent the weekend together. Due to a no contact order between us, I knew I would not be able to see my son until it was over. We voluntarily took our son to DCS as I had "0 rights" to take care of our son, until the mother had gotten proper treatment for her postpartum depression. According to the law, the only way to gain rights is to do a DNA test. Signing the "Acknowledgement of Paternity" paperwork, and signing the birth certificate, and being at the hospital during delivery had earned me 0% rights over my son, because I had not taken a DNA test which is "the only way to acknowledge paternity."
My son had gone into homelessness for ten days. After I had seen him, he had a cold for the first time, he had cuts on his face from his fingernails, and he had been eating fruit at only 4-5 months. I was also told how he cried nonstop, and how he had fallen from a chair and bloodied his nose. All of the hard work I had done was being erased in a matter of days. I knew his smile would turn into a frown. That his genetics were going from, A class to B in a short time span. This time in his life had been crucial for development. All of this had tortured me on the inside, because the government was the actual father of my child. And, I loved him so much I had to give him to this much more powerful entity who claimed to be my sons father, the "government." Out of desperation, pressure, many tears, much heartache, I had given in to the government from weakness and gave up my child in tears. The mother and I drove our son down to the local DCS office and explained that we could not take care of him at the moment.
Once in custody, DCS called it "wonton neglect" because he had missed a doctors appointment. After curiosity of the word wonton (chinese?) I had tried to explain that his doctors appointment had been during the same day he had gone into custody. However, they chose not to listen saying "I've heard it all before Mr. Wilson." This was only the beginning.
Our DCS case had begun in January 2014. The mother eventually went to jail (four months served of six) and the mental hospital (six times over 7 months) with numerous charges and probation. Upon her release from jail, I had gladly accepted our relationship back, as my primary goal was a successful family. And, I did not feel comfortable raising our beautiful son without the mother. I would feel guilty of creating harsh feelings for her, or her family. However, by the time she had been released, the steps for me to follow by DCS to get my son back, the "permanency plan" had nearly finished. By this time, I had spent eight months completing rigorous requirements, in order for DCS to be sure I am reliable. However, due to the mother and I being reunited, my lawyer, as well as DCS, require her to follow the plan to and have rights, as well. This would mean that we would finally have equal rights, and that the government could step out. However, this is not possible, for the mother is not capable of completing her permanency plan due to her health conditions.
The end is not over. I view the events experienced as an opportunity to learn. To learn how to gain strength by being grateful for opportunities to help others in need. I have since then created a charitable support for my cause at : http://www.gofundme.com/dv78uo . I may not receive any support from this website at all, but getting my message out there is sufficient. And, I am grateful for any kind thoughts and prayers.
I have also started a facebook website for my cause.
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