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The day my daughter died.... | Share your Story and personal life experiences. We want to hear from you!!! | Forum

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The day my daughter died....
April 8, 2013
1:09 pm
admin- Tina
Guest

As I wrote the subject, 'The day my daughter died' I was filled with a sense of dread…. a sick feeling of not wanting to go there. I could feel my stomach knot and my chest tense. I could feel the prick of a tear wanting to come and then a realization of resistance. I don't want to go there!!! Seven years later and still, the trauma and the pain of that horrible day lives in me. Some days it is easy and therapeutic to share, some days not! So… today, I struggle to write about the day my daughter died and I give myself permission to not have to go there. In the earlier days, it was my therapy…. I joined forums and wrote endlessly! I shared every detail of the day our daughter Meah died. I remembered every thought, word and conversation… every emotion… today, it is a struggle to go there so perhaps I will simply let it be. There will come the day when I will write the details, but it will not be today.

What I will say is that seven years ago, my daughter Meah Eleni came into this world and left leaving me heart broken and fragile. I was nine months pregnant and induced with the drug Cytotec and as a result of that induction and drug, my uterus tore. I almost bled to death and my daughter Meah's heart was no longer beating by the time she was delivered. She never took a breath in this life.

What I do know is that she came with great purpose. I often express that while death came through me, new life was born in me. I say that because truly, a part of me died when Meah died, but the gifts and blessings of her life brought back to to life in me the greatest parts of who I am and all that I have to give. So yes, in many ways through my journey of healing I have been born again. I could never go back to being the person I was before she died. That part of me is like a distant memory, it is gone. The person I have become took hard work, reflection, lots of tears, deep aching pain and sadness but I am living and breathing and I am doing. I believe that healing is never really done… it is constant and the pain never really leaves you. It is there and when we least expect it, it is awaken in us and manifests through every part of us, we feel it in our toes, legs, stomach, heart, head,, hands, skin… we feel it everywhere…. but we survive it every day… moving forward and growing…. learning… becoming….

I am blessed beyond measure and I am truly grateful for my three boys, my husband, my family and friends both near and far that have supported and helped me through the worst of times and celebrated with me during the times when I have been most blessed. Thank you!!! I must also thank God for without God in my life, I cannot imagine where I would be. It is through God that I have been able to become more conscious of my life and through my pain, I have learned how to see, feel and experience this life in ways that have lifted my spirit and the spirit of others. I have experienced a newfound joy in helping others and giving. I believe we are meant to be here for each other…. while we often must experience a part of our journey in silence so that we may hear what I believe is the voice of God, I believe we are ultimately here to serve and help each other on this journey called life. We inspire each other with our thoughts, action sand words and when we connect and touch each others hears in profound ways, we create change in this world.

I invite all mothers and fathers who have experienced loss to share your stories and express your needs, deep sorrows and pain. Feel free to share your joy!!! I hope that this will be a place where you feel at home, where you feel heard and supported in your most difficult times of grief and sorrow. I pray that we can share our stories, feel the healing power that expressing has and the comfort of being heard. I believe that through our sharing, we will find healing and lives will be transformed. May we be inspired by the stories of healing, forgiveness, hope and faith that come from our sharing. This is not an easy journey but I know from my experience, especially in the early days of Meah's death, it was a blessing to have the support, understanding and wisdom of those who were further along in their journey of grief and healing. My comfort and support often came from friends I had never met, from all corners of the globe who like me, loved, hurt and needed to share and be heard. I believe that with ever story shared, someone somewhere in this world will read, gain a sense of perspective, feel understood in their own pain, they may not feel so alone… and while every person may not write…. I've learned that people read and it does impact them.

Thank you to all who know me and have been with me on this journey. To all who are new to my life, welcome!!! I am so excited to have you be a part of the Meah Foundation community and my life and great big circle of friends from all over the worldsf wink Forum.

Love and blessings,
Tina Klonaris-Robinson

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